Tips for Parents

Play

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Follow your child’s lead.
• Pace at your child’s level.
• Don’t expect too much — give your child time.
• Don’t compete with your child.
• Praise and encourage your child’s ideas and creativity; don’t criticize.
• Engage in role play and make-believe with your child.
• Be an attentive and appreciative audience.
• Use descriptive comment instead of asking questions.
• Curb your desire to give too much help; encourage your child’s problem solving.
• Reward quiet play with you attention.
• Laugh and have fun.

Encourage Your Child’s Learning

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Take an active interest in your child’s play and school activities.
• Play, read, or do a learning activity with your child every day.
• Praise and encourage your child’s “efforts” in the right direction (not just the end product.)
• Set up tangible reward programs for doing the small steps it takes to learn something new or difficult.
• Be enthusiastic about your child’s school projects.
• Start with easy learning activities and gradually increase the challenge as your child seems ready.
• Be realistic about your expectations — follow your child’s lead in terms of what he/she is developmentally ready for.
• Focus on your child’s strengths not his/her weaknesses.
• Share something that was hard for you to learn.
• Project a positive image of your child’s ability in the future.

Building Your Child’s Self Confidence

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Value and give your full attention to your children’s play activities.
• Listen to your children — watch for times when your child is open to talking — don’t pressure them to talk if they don’t want to.
• Reinforce your children’s learning efforts by describing what they are doing.
• Praise your children’s efforts as well as their successes.
• Follow your child’s lead when talking with them or playing.
• Spend regular daily time with your children.
• When reading
  • Ask open-ended questions;
  • Avoid commands and corrections;
  • Offer help when your child wants it.
• Create opportunities for children to retell stories that they have memorized.
• Encourage children to write their own stories or to dictate them to you.
• Read to children often and allow them to see you reading.
• Encourage children to make up stories and act them out.

Praise

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Catch your child being good — don’t save praise for perfect behavior.
• Don’t worry about spoiling your children with praise.
• Increase praise for difficult children.
• Model self-praise.
• Give labeled and specific praise.
• Make praise contingent on behavior.
• Praise with smiles, eye contant and enthusiasm.
• Give positive praise.
• Give pats and hugs and kisses along with praise.
• Use praise consistently.
• Praise in front of other people.

Tangible Rewards

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Define appropriate child behavior clearly.
• Make the steps small.
• Gradually increase the challenge.
• Don’t make programs too complex — choose one or two behaviors to start.
• Focus on positive behaviors.
• Choose inexpensive rewards.
• Have daily rewards.
• Involve your child in choosing rewards.
• Get the appropriate behavior first, then reward.
• Reward everyday achievements.
• Gradually replace rewards with social approval.
• Be clear and specific about rewards.
• Have a varied menu.
• Show your child you expect success.
• Don’t mix rewards with punishment.
• Consistently monitor the reward program.

Setting Limits

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Don’t give unnecessary commands.
• Give one command at a time.
• Be realistic in your expectations and use age-appropriate commands.
• Use “do” commands.
• Make commands positive and polite.
• Don’t use “stop” commands.
• Give children ample opportunity to comply.
• Give warnings and helpful reminders.
• Don’t threaten children; use “when-then” commands.
• Give children options whenever possible.
• Make commands short and to the point.
• Support your partner’s commands.
• Praise compliance or provide consequences for noncompliance.
• Strike a balance between parent and child control.
• Encourage problem solving with children.

Time Out

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Be polite.
• Be prepared for testing.
• Monitor anger in order to avoid exploding suddenly; give warnings.
• Give 5-minute Time Outs with 2 minutes of silence at the end.
• Carefully limit the number of behaviors for which Time Out is used and use consistently.
• Use Time Out consistently for chosen behaviors.
• Don’t threaten Time Out unless you’re prepared to follow through.
• Ignore child while in Time Out.
• Use nonviolent approaches such as loss of privileges as a back-up to Time Out.
• Follow through with completing Time Out.
• Hold children responsible for cleaning messes in Time Out.
• Support a partner’s use of Time Out.
• Don’t rely exclusively on Time Out — combine with other discipline techniques, such as logical consequences and problem solving.
• Expect repeated learning trials.
• Build up bank account with praise, love, and support.
• Use personal Time Out to relax and refuel energy.
• Use Time Out for destructive behaviors and times when you’re child’ misbehavior cannot be ignored.  Start by choosing just one behavior to work on.  When that behavior is no longer a problem, choose another behavior to work on.
• Give immediate Time Out for hitting and destructive acts.  However, for noncompliance, one warning may be given.
• Ignore inappropriate behaviors, such as screaming, whining, teasing, arguing, swearing, and tantrums.
• Praise positive behavior as often as possible.

Natural and Logical Consequences

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Make consequences age-appropriate.
• Be sure you can live with consequences you set up.
• Make consequences immediate.
• Give child choice of consequence ahead of time.
• Make consequence natural and nonpunitive.
• Involve child whenever possible.
• Be friendly and polite.
• Use consequences that are short and to the point.
• Quickly offer new learning opportunities to be successful.

Stress and Anger

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Scan your body for tension, and breathe and relax.
• Notice any negative self-statements and replace them with soothing self-encouragement.
• Ask yourself if what is making you feel tense is really that important? Will it make a difference a week from now? A year? When you are 70?
• Visualize some marvelous past event or dream of the future.
• In the middle of conflict, breathe, cool off, get playful, or get away for a few minutes.
• Take a break (go for a walk, take a bath, read a magazine.)

Problem- Solving

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Talk about feelings.
• Help children define problem.
• Involve children in brainstorming possible solutions.
• Be positive and imaginative.
• Model creative solutions yourself.
• Encourage children to think through various consequences of different solutions.
• Remember it is the process of learning how to think about conflict that is critical, rather than getting correct answers.

Family Problem-Solving

• Schedule a meeting to problem-solve.
• Focus on one problem at a time.
• Collaborate, discussing problems mutually.
• State problem clearly.
• Express feelings but don’t criticize or blame.
• Admit role in problem.
• Be future-oriented.
• Be brief.
• State desire behavior.
• Make “I” statements.

Stating the Goal

• Summarize the problem.
• State the goal in realistic terms.

Brainstorming

• Remain open-don’t judge or criticize suggestions.
• Encourage imaginative suggestions- as many as possible.
• Postpone details

Making Plans

• Review your list.
• Evaluate each solution realistically.
• Write down plan.
• Praise your efforts.