(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Scan your body for tension, and breathe and relax.
• Notice any negative self-statements and replace them with soothing self-encouragement.
• Ask yourself if what is making you feel tense is really that important? Will it make a difference a week from now? A year? When you are 70?
• Visualize some marvelous past event or dream of the future.
• In the middle of conflict, breathe, cool off, get playful, or get away for a few minutes.
• Take a break (go for a walk, take a bath, read a magazine.)

Part 9 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Make consequences age-appropriate.
• Be sure you can live with consequences you set up.
• Make consequences immediate.
• Give child choice of consequence ahead of time.
• Make consequence natural and nonpunitive.
• Involve child whenever possible.
• Be friendly and polite.
• Use consequences that are short and to the point.
• Quickly offer new learning opportunities to be successful.

Part 8 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Be polite.
• Be prepared for testing.
• Monitor anger in order to avoid exploding suddenly; give warnings.
• Give 5-minute Time Outs with 2 minutes of silence at the end.
• Carefully limit the number of behaviors for which Time Out is used and use consistently.
• Use Time Out consistently for chosen behaviors.
• Don’t threaten Time Out unless you’re prepared to follow through.
• Ignore child while in Time Out.
• Use nonviolent approaches such as loss of privileges as a back-up to Time Out.
• Follow through with completing Time Out.
• Hold children responsible for cleaning messes in Time Out.
• Support a partner’s use of Time Out.
• Don’t rely exclusively on Time Out — combine with other discipline techniques, such as logical consequences and problem solving.
• Expect repeated learning trials.
• Build up bank account with praise, love, and support.
• Use personal Time Out to relax and refuel energy.
• Use Time Out for destructive behaviors and times when you’re child’ misbehavior cannot be ignored.  Start by choosing just one behavior to work on.  When that behavior is no longer a problem, choose another behavior to work on.
• Give immediate Time Out for hitting and destructive acts.  However, for noncompliance, one warning may be given.
• Ignore inappropriate behaviors, such as screaming, whining, teasing, arguing, swearing, and tantrums.
• Praise positive behavior as often as possible.

Part 7 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Don’t give unnecessary commands.
• Give one command at a time.
• Be realistic in your expectations and use age-appropriate commands.
• Use “do” commands.
• Make commands positive and polite.
• Don’t use “stop” commands.
• Give children ample opportunity to comply.
• Give warnings and helpful reminders.
• Don’t threaten children; use “when-then” commands.
• Give children options whenever possible.
• Make commands short and to the point.
• Support your partner’s commands.
• Praise compliance or provide consequences for noncompliance.
• Strike a balance between parent and child control.
• Encourage problem solving with children.

Part 6 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Define appropriate child behavior clearly.
• Make the steps small.
• Gradually increase the challenge.
• Don’t make programs too complex — choose one or two behaviors to start.
• Focus on positive behaviors.
• Choose inexpensive rewards.
• Have daily rewards.
• Involve your child in choosing rewards.
• Get the appropriate behavior first, then reward.
• Reward everyday achievements.
• Gradually replace rewards with social approval.
• Be clear and specific about rewards.
• Have a varied menu.
• Show your child you expect success.
• Don’t mix rewards with punishment.
• Consistently monitor the reward program.

Part 5 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Catch your child being good — don’t save praise for perfect behavior.
• Don’t worry about spoiling your children with praise.
• Increase praise for difficult children.
• Model self-praise.
• Give labeled and specific praise.
• Make praise contingent on behavior.
• Praise with smiles, eye contant and enthusiasm.
• Give positive praise.
• Give pats and hugs and kisses along with praise.
• Use praise consistently.
• Praise in front of other people.

Part 4 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Value and give your full attention to your children’s play activities.
• Listen to your children — watch for times when your child is open to talking — don’t pressure them to talk if they don’t want to.
• Reinforce your children’s learning efforts by describing what they are doing.
• Praise your children’s efforts as well as their successes.
• Follow your child’s lead when talking with them or playing.
• Spend regular daily time with your children.
• When reading
• Ask open-ended questions;
• Avoid commands and corrections;
• Offer help when your child wants it.
• Create opportunities for children to retell stories that they have memorized.
• Encourage children to write their own stories or to dictate them to you.
• Read to children often and allow them to see you reading.
• Encourage children to make up stories and act them out.

Part 3 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Take an active interest in your child’s play and school activities.
• Play, read, or do a learning activity with your child every day.
• Praise and encourage your child’s “efforts” in the right direction (not just the end product.)
• Set up tangible reward programs for doing the small steps it takes to learn something new or difficult.
• Be enthusiastic about your child’s school projects.
• Start with easy learning activities and gradually increase the challenge as your child seems ready.
• Be realistic about your expectations — follow your child’s lead in terms of what he/she is developmentally ready for.
• Focus on your child’s strengths not his/her weaknesses.
• Share something that was hard for you to learn.
• Project a positive image of your child’s ability in the future.

Part 2 of 13

(material provided by The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D.)

• Follow your child’s lead.
• Pace at your child’s level.
• Don’t expect too much — give your child time.
• Don’t compete with your child.
• Praise and encourage your child’s ideas and creativity; don’t criticize.
• Engage in role play and make-believe with your child.
• Be an attentive and appreciative audience.
• Use descriptive comment instead of asking questions.
• Curb your desire to give too much help; encourage your child’s problem solving.
• Reward quiet play with you attention.
• Laugh and have fun.

Part 1 of 13

Which Protective Factors are Most Important?
(provided by Strengthening Families and Communities 2011 Resource Guide)

• Nurturing and Attachment. A child’s early experience of being nurtured and developing a bond with a caring adult affects all aspects of behavior and development. When parents and children have strong, warm feelings for one another, children develop trust that their parents will provide what they need to thrive, including love, acceptance, positive guidance and protection.
•  Knowledge of Parenting and of Child and Youth Development. Discipline is both more effective and more nurturing when parents know how to set and enforce limits and encourage appropriate behaviors based on the child’s age and level of development. Parents who understand how children grow and develop can provide and environment where children can live up to their potential. Child abuse and neglect are often associated with a lack of understanding of basic child development or an inability to put that knowledge into action. Timely mentoring, coaching, advice and practice may be more useful to parents than information alone.
• Parental Resilience. Resilience is the ability to handle everyday stressors and recover from occasional crises. Parents who are emotionally resilient have a positive attitude, creatively solve problems, effectively address challenges, and are less likely to direct anger and frustration at their children. In addition, these parents are aware of their own challenges – for example, those arising from inappropriate parenting they received as children – and accept help and/or counseling when needed.
  
• Social Connections. Evidence links social isolation and perceived lack of support to child maltreatment. Trusted and caring family and friends provide emotional support to parents by offering encouragement and assistance in facing the daily challenges of raising a family. Supportive adults in the family and the community can model alternative parenting styles and can serve as resources for parents when they need help.
• Concrete Supports for Parents. Many factors beyond the parent-child relationship affect a family’s ability to care for their children. Parents need basic resources such as food, clothing, housing, transportation, and access to essential services that address family-specific needs (such as child care or health care) to ensure the health and well-being of their children. Some families may also need support connecting to social services such as alcohol and drug treatment, domestic violence counseling, or public benefits. Providing or connecting families to the concrete supports that families need is critical. These combined efforts help families cope with stress and prevent situations where maltreatment could occur.