P.R.I.D.E. skills open up doors to increase relationship and control when you are interacting with your child on a daily basis. These PRIDE skills are a component of Parent–Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) which is a form of therapy developed by Sheila Eyberg for children ages 2–7 and their caregivers.

PRIDE is an acronym that stands for:

• Praise
• Reflect
• Imitate
• Describe
• Enthusiasm

By using these five communication tools,we can all experience a  more satisfying relationship with our children.. All of us need emotional connection and control (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). So the PRIDE skills give an intense dose to both of these needs.

At CALM, we teach the Love and Logic curriculum  These tools work really well! But using PRIDE skills once a day for 5 minutes delivers even more choices and empathy benefits.

Here is a PRIDE parenting skills handout that outlines how to engage with PRIDE skills during play time. Be aware that the time stated on the handout (10-15 minutes per day) has changed. Research indicates that PRIDE play done for 5 minutes per day is enough to fill a child emotionally and it is do-able for parents.

Here is how you use the PRIDE skills:

1) Set up a play table.

2) Tell the child that this is “our special play time” and he/she may play with any of the toys on the table.

3) Next, apply the PRIDE skills to the play time.

4) When 5 minutes (or more if you want, but remember 5 minutes is enough) is over, tell your child that “special playtime is over, but you will play again tomorrow.” Then give a choice of how many toys to pick up. Be sure to not get into a power struggle over clean up.

5) The Don’ts are:

• No Questions
• No Commands
• No Criticism

Questions and commands put you as dominant and this is a time that the child leads the play.

If you have a child over the age of 7 years, the PRIDE skills can also be used in normal interaction.

This article was excerpted from: http://www.impactparenting.com/impact-parenting-blog/how-to-use-pride-parenting-skills-to-develop-a-deeper-relati.html

Are you an angry parent? Unfortunately, parenting a child doesn’t come with a handbook called “How to Parent”. Disciplining children is one of the most exhausting and overwhelming things you will ever do. And since you are human, sometimes you will get angry and just lose it. It happens to all of us. But parenting when you’re angry is never a good idea. Haven’t you ever noticed that the more intense your anger gets, the worse your children’s behavior becomes? Kids react to the angry parent.

Children know how to push our buttons, which is precisely why it’s incredibly important to learn how to manage your anger. Here are 7 Anger Management Techniques to think about with child discipline:

1. Give yourself a break. You are human, and therefore experience a wide range of emotions, even towards your own kids. One of those feelings sometimes is anger. It’s ok.

2. Try, try, try not to take the bait. Your child will undoubtedly throw out some zinger comment that he knows will get you riled up. Don’t let it…if you do, he will know that he has control over you and will continue this behavior endlessly.

3. Disengage. That means take a step a back. Sometimes we’ve taken the bait before we even realize it’s happened. So stop…take a deep breath, and reassess what is going on. Walk away if you need to. Sometimes it is necessary so that things don’t continue to escalate. Come back when you feel calm and collected.

4. Use your words to communicate clearly what is going on. For example, “I’m very angry right now. I’ve asked you three times to put your toys away, and you haven’t done it. It’s very frustrating for me when I have to say things over and over before you listen. And when I’m angry and frustrated, I tend to yell.”

5. Take better care of yourself. When you are tired, stressed, and hungry, your patience and tolerance will be low, and you will find yourself snapping at everyone. Get some sleep, eat a healthy meal, and take a walk or a run.

6. Let it go. I know it’s hard…but you need to learn to let go of what’s already happened…that’s in the past. Move on from it, or one little problem in the morning can ruin your entire day.

7. ASK FOR HELP! There is nothing wrong with asking for help from a spouse, family member, friend, or babysitter. We’ve all been there. Nobody can do any job 24/7 without a break from time to time. Take one. You deserve it.

About Lori Freson MA, MFT

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Southern California. I’ve been working in the mental health field since 1997, and have been a licensed therapist since 2002. I currently work in my own thriving private practice in Encino, where I serve the San Fernando Valley and Los Angeles areas.

View all posts by Lori Freson MA, MFT →

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It could be because parents who do not spank their children spend more time talking to them and reasoning with them, the researchers said.

“Some parents think this is a waste of time, but research shows that such verbal parent-child interactions enhance the child’s cognitive ability,” Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire, who worked on the study, said in a statement.

His team studied more than 900 children who were aged 1 to 4 at the start of the trial in 1986. They were given tests of cognitive ability — which is the ability to learn and to recognize things — in 1986 and again in 1990.

They then accounted for factors such as whether the father lived with the family, how many children there were in the family, how much time the mother spent with the child, ethnic group, birth weight, age and gender.

They watched mothers with their children and questioned them about corporal punishment.

The more the children were spanked or otherwise physically punished, the lower their scores on the test, they told the World Congress of Sociology in Montreal over the weekend. “The cognitive ability of the children who were not spanked in either of the two sample weeks increased, and the cognitive ability of children who were frequently spanked decreased,” Straus said.

He said it was not a case of the spanked child losing ability, but rather not gaining it as quickly as he or she should.

“The children who were spanked didn’t get dumber,” Straus said. “What the study showed is that spanking is associated with falling behind the average rate of cognitive development, not an absolute decrease in cognitive ability.” Straus said it seemed that parents who did not hit their children reasoned more with them to control their behavior.

“We found that the less corporal punishment mothers in this sample used, the more cognitive stimulation they provided to the child,” Straus said.

Straus said there was a trend against slapping and spanking children in the United States, but studies show most parents still do hit their children. He thinks there should be an education campaign.

“If parents knew the risk they were exposing their children to when they spank, I am convinced millions would stop,” Straus said.

One CALM client, “Michael,” reported that the scariest day of his life was when he saw his mom bleeding because her boyfriend hit her. The police came, and Michael felt terrified. Fortunately, Michael came to CALM. He found a therapist who helped him tell his story.  Michael also started attending CALM’s Domestic Violence support group for kids his age, while his mom was in a group with other mothers.  Michael was surprised to learn that he was not the only kid whose caregivers fought and sometimes hurt each other.  One day all the kids worked together on creating a safety plan, so they would know what to do if their families were in danger. Having that plan made Michael feel so much better. Now he knew what to do if his mom ever got hurt again.

Thanks to the support of Verizon CALM can continue to offer vital support to parents and children whose lives have been traumatized by intimate partner violence.

CALM’s work with victims of domestic violence is strength-based, and trains and empowers women to trust themselves and stand on their own. Mothers also learn parenting skills and how to support their children in their recovery from trauma. Group work creates a safe place for children to share their feelings, learn that they are not alone, and that what took place is not their fault. This learning is essential to helping stop the cycle of violence. CALM’s partnership with Verizon will help support the delivery of treatment services to make it possible for CALM to better serve children and families suffering from domestic violence.

“Verizon is pleased to partner with CALM on its efforts to help children exposed to domestic violence cope with the trauma and become confident and vibrant individuals,” said Jesus Torres, director of government and external affairs for Verizon. “We are committed to breaking the cycle of violence through effective partnerships with organizations like CALM.”

Once Angelica broker her silence, we learned that her younger sister had also been abused by this same relative and needed help as well. “Maria” was suicidal and ready to take her own life when she came to CALM. Now, both girls are doing much better after learning about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and child sexual abuse. They are each now able to see that what their relative did to them was not their fault. Both girls were able to do a SART interview (Sexual Assault Response Team) and the police detectives are looking for the perpetrator. Unfortunately, he is on the run but eventually, he will be prosecuted. Most importantly Angelica was able to examine her faulty beliefs about her sense of guilt and her feeling a lack of worth and value that were stemming from her sexual abuse.

Through art therapy, she was able to express deeply buried emotions and was able to access the pain she had repressed for so many years. Through her paintings, she was able to discharge these painful memories and move them from her insides to her exterior, where she could see them with more objectivity and ultimately, release them. Both Angelica and Maria thank CALM for the help that they received. Maria even brought a friend to CALM who had shared that she had been molested and now that girl is also receiving services here.

Angelica is now studying psychology and wishes to be a counselor when she grows up. She considers herself a wounded healer and wants to help other children who have survived sexual abuse. She is now sober, drug free, and with one boyfriend in a healthy relationship. Her grades have improved and she is taking college courses concurrently with her high school studies.