We all expect certain things from our children, but sometimes the things we expect do more harm than good. Here are five things to simply stop expecting from them:
If you think about it, expecting our children to “be good” doesn’t make any sense. No one is good all of the time. Everyone has lousy days. Everyone has days they’re just not up to doing the things they should. Everyone has days when they snap.
Expecting kids to “be good” also fails to teach them what is actually expected of them.
Kids are many things. They can be angels one minute and drive you up the wall the next. They’re sometimes curious, sometimes quiet, and sometimes sneaky.
Mostly, kids act their age. Kids need to explore, try out stuff, be silly. Let them.
It’s normal to notice that your son is more outspoken and your daughter more reserved, or that your daughter is the shortest or tallest kid in her class. We all compare our kids to other kids, consciously or unconsciously. While this is normal, how comparisons are verbalized can do much harm.
Evidence suggests that unfavorably comparing siblings can have far-reaching negative consequences on the sibling judged to be “less competent.” When we compare our children unfavorably to others, we send them the message that they’re not good enough. We tell them they should aspire to be like someone else.
Likewise, when we compare our kids favorably to others, we teach them that they have to be better than others instead of being their best selves. When your son puts in little effort and you accept his mediocre results because he’s at the same level as his friends, you send him the message that minimum effort is acceptable.
Have you noticed that you sometimes react differently to your child’s behavior depending on whether you’re in the company of others or by yourselves?
Many of our parenting habits are dictated by our environment. We may not necessarily agree with social norms or even some family norms and values, but we nonetheless attempt to impose those norms on our children – voluntarily or involuntarily.
Children, especially when they’re young, are often an extension of their parents.
When our children see us save regularly, they’re more likely to become savers themselves. When we have a negative perception of much that happens in our lives, they’re also bound to develop a pessimistic view of things. When they hear us yell because we’re angry, they learn that yelling is an acceptable way to express one’s emotions.
Source: Sanya Pelini for Parent.co